SpikeBloodyCool and Vikingsexgod
by psejhan
Summary: Spike learns to use the net and meets Eric Northman, someone who can relate! Continued because they're a loveable, funny duo hehe.
1. Chapter 1

AN* I love them both to bits and pieces. You should definitely check out the site that I am refer to in the story, it's buddytv . com and the contests do exist under the "fun and games" then "showdowns" and you can figure it out. Please Comment!!!

Buffy was bitching on and about why they can't be again. It was starting to piss Spike a lot. That's really not what she said on the bed, under it, in the closet, in the mausoleum, and even in her very own shower. He wanted to bitch about it, be the bad poet he normally was, rant back at Buffy, but she said the same things all over again and it was grating on his nerves! He was old; he didn't need that kind of shit.

Good for Spike, he recently bought a laptop and has this penpal who can really relate with him. He's not really his penpal, he's a chat mate and he comes from Shreveport, Louisiana who is a vampire just like him. Spike really envied the guy but also didn't.

He wasn't a stud before becoming a vampire and this guy was, in fact, a Viking stud and there was practically nothing cooler than that either last, last millennium or today. Also, this guy had his own business and lives in this ultra cool place, and he, on the other hand, was stuck near graves, drinking beer, sporting black nail polish in his mausoleum.

Then again, he didn't envy some aspects about the guy, like how old he is—meaning he's probably been through more shit than him. He also didn't envy the fact that Mr Viking's sire was a man that had influenced his early sexual escapades in more ways than one.

But really, they were very akin to each other. They both epitomized cool badass, vampires with their blond, brushed up hair and piercing blue eyes. They both were great fighters. Also, they were both caught by the balls by some unique chic.

SpikeBloodyCool: She won't have sex with me today, damn it.

Vikingsexgod: At least she has sex with you on other days

SpikeBloodyCool: Yeah, the only thing I beat you at

Vikingsexgod: You beat me , too. Have you seen that site? It sucks big time, I always go on second. Here's the link : …………….

SpikeBloodyCool: oh, I've seen this site. IT so rocked that I won. Hey, you won one challege. Who do you want to be you vampire soul mate?

Vikingsexgod: Do you know the guy who won numero uno on the sexiest male on television this 2009? I want to tear out his lungs. I don't even know him and he beat me. That shithead. Have they seen my ass? It's rock hard, damn it!

SpikeBloodyCool: LOL. LOSFL. ROFLMAO.

Vikingsexgod: Hey, I'll take to you later. Sookie's here, I can smell her.

SpikeBloodyCool: You are so OWNED.

Vikingsexgod: yeah, yeah. What's that I hear? It's your master, Buffy. Go fetch.

Vikingsexgod has signed out.

Spike sighs, still feeling very deflated.

SpikeBloodyCool: BUZZ!

BuffywillBeatyourAss: What?!

The End

AN* Please Comment!


	2. Chapter 2

DISCLAIMER: y'know.

AUTHOR's NOTE:

So, despite of the fact that there are only 2 reviews for this work of mine, I just couldn't help myself when "genuine inspiration" hit me.

SpikeBloodyCool: I hate valentines.

Vikingsexgod: The capitalist that I am, do not.

SpikeBloodyCool: Hahahaha. Not with the fact that blondie's most probably getting porked by that other dude, what's-his-name?

Vikingsexgod: They broke up. :)

SpikeBloodyCool: Congratulations.

SpikeBloodyCool: It's so unfair how you could still drink blood.

Vikinsexgod: How do you survive?

SpikeBloodyCool: Trublood, obviously. Sometimes I buy at the hospital. They're more expensive but it's the authenticity.

Vikingsexgod: Those manufactured packed bloody things take out the thrill in life.

SpikeBloodyCool: Indeed they do.

SpikeBloodyCool: I wish we were back in the good old days. Even if it was so unsafe then.

Vikingsexgod: It's still unsafe now with the stupid fellowship of the sun and all.

SpikeBloodyCool: At least back then Buffy still had a job so she didn't have 24 hours to butcher me with her bitchery.

Vikingsexgod: It's the heartbeat I miss the most.

SpikeBloodyCool: The thrill, the hunt, the predatory feel…

Vikingsexgod: The closest I can get to a beating heart now is with my lover.

SpikeBloodyCool: Me too and she's not even my lover. I think it's my lack of bloodfest that might be causing my being her bitch.

Vikingsexgod: You were a bitch before you were a vampire.

SpikeBloodyCool: Point taken. Still, though… life's a bitch.

SpikeBloodyCool: Takes one to know one.

Vikingsexgod: We're not exactly alive.

SpikeBloodyCool: Haha!

Vikingsexgod: I have a secret to tell you.

SpikeBloodyCool: What?

Vikingsexgod: I can't tell you. I'm a bit paranoid with technology.

SpikeBloodyCool: Yeah, me too. I don't text.

Vikingsexgod: I have to being sheriff and all. But, most of my texting I force on Pam. Even talking to my lover, I try to be brief. I even forget to say bye.

SpikeBloodyCool: I wish I had an assistant. Here, I'm the bloody fucking assistant.

Vikingsexgod: You've been killing off your own kind for so long. I'm sorry, my friend, I don't think you're in the best position to run for position.

SpikeBloodyCool: It's the bloody chip's fault. Fucking Bloody Chip. Do you know any great surgeons out there?

Vikingsexgod: Vampire don't usually need surgeons.

SpikeBloodyCool: True. We have a few perks.

Vikingsexgod: Bullshit. I'm a Viking sex god and I still don't get enough pussy.

SpikeBloodyCool: Yes, you do. Just not the pussy you want.

SpikeBloodyCool: I on the other hand…

Vikingsexgod: Why don't you find another blonde or something? There are plenty of fangbangers out there.

SpikeBloodyCool: Fangbangers just ain't my thing. They're too desperate.

Vikingsexgod: Only got to be one desperado in a relationship.

SpikeBloodyCool: I'd kick your ass if you didn't have a 1100 years under your belt.

Vikingsexgod: Yes, you would. Even my child can kick your ass, kid.

SpikeBloodyCool: Funny, being called a kid.

Vikingsexgod: Ha! Age, hahahaha… If there weren't history books, I wouldn't know how old I am.

SpikeBloodyCool: =))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) YOU FOSSIL.

Vikingsexgod: How juvenile.

SpikeBloodyCool: You know what's more juvenile?

Vikingsexgod: What?

SpikeBloodyCool: A bet. I bet I'd defeat the Vikingsexgod and get some tonight.

Vikingsexgod: get some?

SpikeBloodyCool: What?

Vikingsexgod:I'm not very good with teenager-talk.

SpikeBloodyCool: I'm saying let's bet I'll get laid with my aficionado before you do, GEEZER. :)

Vikingsexgod: Unfair. You've been having sex with Buffy. I, on the other hand, have not been on sex-ing terms with Sookie.

SpikeBloodyCool: Killjoy. You really are a GEEZER. =))))

Vikingsexgod: =))) YOUR FACE. You're on motherfucker. A pebble would have sex with me.

SpikeBloodyCool: That's because a pebble doesn't have a brain. =))))))))))))))))))))) ROFLMAO.

Vikingsexgod: Have you seen me? Do you honestly think it's the "drinks" that fills fangtasia? HAVE YOU SEEN MY MONEY MAKER?

SpikeBloodyCool: Fangbangers don't have brains and I'm guessing Sookie does. LOL

Vikingsexgod: the only reason Buffy's having sex with you is out of pity and she's just so damned horny. She fucking lost it at 16

SpikeBloodyCool:GEEZER, in today's day and age, 16 is not an unusual age to lose it. AND, WAY BACK IN THE STONE AGE, AGE was not a matter.

Vikingsexgod: We had shorter life spans then.

SpikeBloodyCool: So, it's settled then. A bet it shall be, old man?

Vikingsexgod: DON'T fucking call me old man. I am NOT your father.

SpikeBloodyCool: Buy me a truckload if I win. Anyway, you've got bucks to spare.

Vikingsexgod: Yeah yeah. The only reason she's not having sex with me is I'm busy.

SpikeBloodyCool: If lying to yourself gets you to sleep, so be it.

Vikingsexgod: I wish I found it harder to sleep. Hahahahaha. Fuck, the sun goes up and I drop dead.

SpikeBloodyCool: hahaha. A truckload of TruBlood. I like them A+, k?

Vikingsexgod: mine will be O.

Vikingsexgod has signed out.

Then Eric Northman, sheriff of Area 5, realized the gravity of the bet. He had some serious seducing to do. He meant serious, as in BAMF slutty pole dancing, slipping in his blood into her food serious. That silly, penniless Englishman. Poor guy, he lives in a mausoleum. Well, if he does win, it would be funny and payback. If he loses, hahaha, might as well do a little charity with his life. Oh, but he loved winning.

**REVIEW IT. PLEASE.


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